Was it planned? Why don’t you just ask what you’re really thinking: did your birth control fail?
Do you want a boy or a girl? Ummm, after watching Rosemary’s Baby we’re just hoping it’s fully human.
Can I touch your belly? Maybe . . . can I touch yours?
Did you conceive naturally? Define naturally.
Are you sure you only have one baby in there? Yes. I just keep it hidden under layers of fat.
And the stupidity doesn’t stop when you tell someone you’re adopting. These are all honest to goodness things that I have heard when sharing our adoptive plans with others.
I know so-and-so who adopted and those kids were awful. Yes, we’ve all heard the adopted child horror stories. But guess what? There are absolutely beautiful stories too. We choose to focus on those while we wait.
So-and-so traveled overseas to pick up a baby and he wasn’t what she was expecting. He had a lot of health problems and now they’ll be responsible for that baby for the rest of its life. Guess what? That’s called motherhood. When you give birth you never know what you are going to get either. So are you saying if my biological child wasn’t born “perfect” that I should have gotten rid of her? Wouldn’t you agree that a child with medical problems is even more in need of a safe and healthy home?
I could never do that. I don’t think I could love another child as much as my own. Adopted children are your own children. I can’t imagine not loving a child that you have prayed diligently for, waited so long to find, and then fought so hard to make your own. If that isn’t love then I don’t know what is.
Well, just be careful. So-and-so was going to adopt from foster care and she ended up losing that baby to the birth father. Yes, we realize that nothing is ever certain in the foster care system. Foster care isn’t about taking children away from their family but it is all about reunification. We should be happy when a parent wants to clean up their act and be a good parent to their child. Sadly that doesn’t always happen and the result can be adoption. Adoption isn’t the purpose of foster care but it sometimes the result.
Sure, I get it. You’re “concerned”. Trust me, we didn’t just wake up one morning and say, “Hey–let’s adopt!” It took years of prayer and conversation and more prayers. It wasn’t a decision that was made lightly. No one would agonize and pour over 31 pages of deeply personal questions, 30 hours of classroom training and months and months of waiting without researching it out first.
We know the horror stories. We know it’s going to be hard. We know our faith and our patience may be tested. We know that it will be a huge adjustment for our family. We know that we can’t expect all rainbows and butterflies.
But we also know that we serve a big God. A God who has led us to this moment, to this purpose, in our lives. We know that he has a child somewhere for us. He had his hand in this from the very first time I saw an orphaned child in the streets of India when I was nineteen years old. He placed this desire in my heart then and it has grown and grown over the years. We trust that He is in control and we can’t wait to see our story–HIS story for us–unfold.
Thanks for your continued encouragement and prayers through this process! They are very appreciated.